Good adaab (manners) is something so extremely important for us to have. It was something mentioned frequently by our Prophet alayhi salaatu wa sallaam and a common trait seen amongst the early generations and our ‘ulema. Good manners beautify it’s possessor and everything they do.
“Nothing is weightier on the Scale of Deeds than one’s good manners.”(Al-Bukhari)
As parents we hope and strive to instill this beautiful characteristic into our children. We hope to create unbreakable bonds and loving memories that they can pass on to their children whilst they supplicating for us with unwavering love and fondness.
Here are 12 ways to help instill good manners, nurture your connection and bond and build some great memories with your children:
1. When entering the house greet your children with salams and kisses. This should help develop their sense of love and mercy.
2. Be good to your neighbours and never backbite. Never speak ill of other drivers when on the road. Your children listen, absorb and emulate.
3. When calling your parents, encourage your children to speak to them. When visiting you parents take your children with you. The more they see you take care of your parents the more they will learn to take care of you.
4. When driving/walking them say to school (or anywhwere), don’t always play albums or cds (even if my cds!). Rather, tell them the stories yourself. This will have a greater impact – trust me!
5. Read to them a short hadith a day – it doesn’t take much time, but very impactful in creating strong bonds and wonderful memories.
6. Comb your hair, clean your teeth and wear presentable cloths even if sitting at home and not going out for the day. They need to learn that being clean and tidy has nothing to do with going out!
7. Try not to blame or comment on every word or action they say or do. Learn to overlook and let go sometimes. This certainly builds their self-confidence.
8. Ask your children’s permission before entering their rooms. Don’t just knock and enter, but then wait for a verbal permission. They will learn to do the same when wanting to enter your room.
9. Apologize to your children if you made a mistake. Apologizing teaches them to be humble and polite.
10. Don’t be sarcastic or make fun of their views or feelings, even if you “didn’t mean it” and was “only joking”. It really hurts.
11. Show respect to your children’s privacy. Its important for their sense of value and self-esteem.
12. Don’t expect that they will listen or understand the first time. Don’t take it personally. Muhammad ﷺ never did. But be patient and consistent.
-Dr Hesham al-Awadi
Ultimately, we have to set good examples. We have to instill good manners within our ownselves to be able to pass it on to our children. Be the person you want your child to be.
O’Allaah help us to perfect our own character and beautify our own souls so that we are able to set great examples for our offspring. Aameen